Funny poems, birthday poems, farewell poems, leaving poems...anything!

I write poems for any occasion. Funny poems - as offensive as you like - are what I do best.

Below are a few examples of the personalised funny poems I have lovingly crafted for satisfied customers.

Autumn Leaves

A birthday poem for a balding man, nearing thirty.

Thine pallid face grows lined and grey,
Thine hair, like autumn leaves, doth sway,
And cling to life, denying reason,
Defying wind and changing season.

Devoid of hope it clings in vain,
Where once there grew a lion's mane.
Thine creaking limbs do crack and splinter,
For autumn leaves, becometh winter,
Your final season, harsh and long,
The robin red-breast's final song,
Will soon be sounding, sweet and clear,
To mark the end for you, for dear.

For thou hast travelled many roads,
And borne a-many worldly loads,
And thine hath witnessed breaks of days,
Too many times, so many ways.
The bells for twilight soon will chime,
Alas thou hast not left much time.

So rejoice when every new day breaks!
Delight in life, whate'er it takes,
Live not out thine days in dread,
For all too soon thine wilt be dead!
This year thou art but twenty-nine,
But one year, it will be time,
To hangeth up thine hat of youth,
For autumn leaves,
And that's the truth.