Funny poems, birthday poems, farewell poems, leaving poems...anything!

I write poems for any occasion. Funny poems - as offensive as you like - are what I do best.

Below are a few examples of the personalised funny poems I have lovingly crafted for satisfied customers.

Karen is leaving

A mildly abusive farewell poem for a colleague.

We're sorry you're leaving and going away,
It's with sadness we're saying 'farewell' this glum day,
To our fat funny Karen, the girl with the belly,
But at least when you're gone it will be much less smelly.

Your work was your life here, you loved every day,
I'm sure you'd have turned up without any pay!
No-one on earth could have ever worked harder,
Except maybe you when you're raiding the larder.

This place will be quiet and dull when you're gone,
We'll miss all your jokes and your stories so long,
Your dodgy political views we will lack,
And pretty soon we will be wanting you back.

But then we'll remember what you're really like,
And be happy you went for a very long hike,
And left us in peace to get on with our work,
Because, after all, you're a bit of a burk.

So farewell fat Karen, we wish you the best,
We're sorry you're leaving and flying the nest,
Your job here is done, and your role's come a cropper,
But at least in our office there'll be one less ex-copper.